For a Fruitful Marriage This Year
Hopefully you have read 5 Weekly Questions to Ask Your Spouse. Now it’s time to look at 4 quarterly questions to ask your spouse.
If you have set up the foundation of a good weekly rhythm of communication, way to go! That is so important to staying on the same page as your spouse. These 4 quarterly questions will help you take your intimacy to the next level. While the focus for weekly questions is mostly logistics, these next 4 questions will guide you to a deeper connection.
If you have NOT established a foundation for communication, you might find these next questions intimidating or challenging. They require a little more vulnerability, so keep that in mind as you prepare to have these conversations. I recommend you scheduling a time to chat with these questions in mind. Another option would be to bring these questions along with you on a dinner date or outing. Ideally, you should chat where you can have an uninterrupted and thoughtful discussion. If you feel like the conversation is getting heated or going sideways, it’s ok to stop. One suggestion would be for both spouses to have the questions beforehand. This way you both can prepare, or at the very least, not get caught off-guard. Safe communication, free of accusations and blame, is key here. Here are the 4 quarterly questions to ask your spouse for a more fruitful marriage this year.
4 Quarterly Questions to Ask Your Spouse
- How do you think we did expressing our intimacy this quarter?
- How well do you think we stewarded our finances this quarter?
- What were some obstacles in maintaining intimacy or connection this quarter?
- What can we schedule to do next quarter to deepen our relationship?
How do you think we did expressing our intimacy this quarter?
This is an important question to ask quarterly
because it requires mindfulness of your intimacy. Most people automatically think of just the physical aspect. But I would encourage you to consider all aspects of intimacy: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Two of the top reasons for divorce have to do with connection and finances. But far too often, couples don’t discuss these important aspects of marriage in a safe, controlled way. In fact, when they are brought up, it’s usually because there is a problem. Asking this question quarterly will allow for a thoughtful conversation. Hopefully, before things get too wildly out of hand.
Remember not to be accusatory. This question is phrased this way for a reason-so you can hear what you spouse might be thinking. Some follow up questions should include: Have expectations been clearly communicated and met? Are the expectations realistic? And, if needed, how can we compromise to bring about the most satisfaction for both of us?
How well do you think we stewarded our finances this quarter?
This is an important question to ask your spouse quarterly
for the same reason as the last one was. Most couples have differences when it comes to spending and saving, earning and investing money. Likewise, many couples don’t have the tools to discuss finances in a controlled and emotion-less way. Much like intimacy, finances are generally brought up because one or both spouses are upset. When you discuss finances quarterly, you build the muscle to have uncomfortable conversations. I am the spender of the two of us, and I used to hate conversations around finances because I always ended up feeling guilty. But through these focused discussions, I have learned how to talk about money in a non-threatening and logistical way.
It’s good for both spouses to have an idea of your monthly financial situation: how you are earning, saving, spending, giving, and investing. Budgets are a great and sensical idea, but sometimes that word can feel oppressive. Two books that I recommend for logistical finances in your marriage are: Simple Money, Rich Life by Bob and Linda Lotich and I Will Teach You To Be Rich, by Ramit Sethi. Both of these books simplify the ever-confusing topic of money. They help you navigate finances without overwhelm, stress, and guilt.
What were some obstacles in maintaining connection or intimacy this quarter?
This is a great quarterly question to ask your spouse
because it helps reflect and identify areas in your relationship that need work. And if I’m being honest, we all have areas in our marriage that need help. Life gets busy. Seasons swallow us up with obligations and expectations. If we aren’t careful, they can overwhelm our schedule and consequently, our most important earthly relationship: the one we have with our spouse. Talking about what is keeping you from thriving in your marriage is the first defense against having a stagnant one.
Once obstacles are identified, the next step would be to take action against them. Is busyness the problem? Block out time in your schedule for just the two of you and make it non-negotiable! Are finances keeping you from enjoying each other to max capacity? Find ways to date on the cheap. Trade babysitting with a trusted friend, or share babysitting costs with another couple. Perhaps it’s that one partner doesn’t feel especially connected to the other and priorities have shifted. Honesty is key to combatting the right problem. Once you know the true culprit, you can both be on the path to restored connection.
What can we schedule to do next quarter to deepen our relationship?
I love this quarterly connection question
because I love anticipating something fun with my spouse. This is really a part two of question 3. Once you see where you lack in your commitment to one another, you can attack with scheduled time for deeper connection and intimacy. For Ryan and me in our current season, deeper quarterly connection is going on an overnighter, close to home. We budget enough each month to set aside for one night’s stay, eat, and recreation. Maybe it’s scheduling more consistent date nights (or afternoons or mornings). Perhaps you want to do a bible study together or start listening to and discussing podcasts. Whatever it is, it should be something that both of you agree upon that will build your intimacy.
I hope you found 4 Quarterly Questions to Ask Your Spouse helpful. And I pray you are encouraged to use them to build deeper connection in your marriage for a more fruitful year.
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